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[07 Aug 2005|10:39pm]
[ mood | blank ]

hmm i hate live journal but im bored and i have nothing to do so im updating it.well my cousins wife gave me a huge talk about how people dont hate me and dont make fun of me and i am worth something,because if you really know me you know i have no self esteem i think im the worst at everything and that i have no postive thoughts about myself and i think everyone hates me and makes fun of me all the time.i dont know why i think that but i do.well thats all thats happen to me that i wanna tell people i guess.

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[21 Jun 2005|05:47pm]
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[21 Jun 2005|05:42pm]
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[06 Jun 2005|06:09pm]
[ mood | sorry ]

i am so very sorry rebecca that i made joe delete those beautiful pictures of me for 5 dollars. I dont have low self esteem anymore. i am going to send you some as soon as my computer starts working again. i didn't mean it when i said that you would have to wait until school starts. i will send you some pics of my ravenous hair and then we will go to the movies sometime, because i have been such a horrible friend. if my computer does not start working in the near future, i will personally come to your house and show you my darkened hair. i hope you still want to be my friend. bye.

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[02 Jun 2005|07:52pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

i dyed my hair black and i look way better with black hair than i did with what ever color hair i had even jon and joe think i look better.i finally got aa new bored and i got it at frogs and that place is awesome they sale band t-shirts every misfits thing you can think of,horror collectibles,posters, every skate thing and skate shirts, plus bongs and pipes haha and its only like 10 minutes from my house

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[31 May 2005|03:59pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

im soooooooooooooooo boreddddddddddddd.i hate it up here now i cant wait until i go home tomorrow ill probably just be bored there to but i can be bored with my freinds at least.dammit does fuse ever play any good videos anymore that stupid holla back girl song is on now.well i got some money for my birthday so i finally can get another bored i think im going to go to this tatto place to get it its in moody its called frogs they have always had boreds but it was a bunch retarted boreds that ive never heard of.but my mom went in there the other day and she said that have a shit load of stuff now.hmmmmmm i wonder if im the only one that has a mom that goes into a tattao palar and calls her son and says they have a shit load of skatebored stuff.well im going to the doctor again this friday to get my crazy pills increased or changed.i hope a get better one day.my therapist was naming off all this things that you could be worried about when you talking to someone and you should of seen her face when i said all of them and i wasnt lying.

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[30 May 2005|07:50pm]
[ mood | bored ]

this aim express thing is really pissing me off if i didnt have to take that medicine to control my anger i would probably be beating something up against my head haha

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[30 May 2005|07:36pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

im so bored i cant wait until i go home,but thats not until the day after tomorrow.the only reason im going home is because i have to go to the doctor on friday ,but my aunt is wanting me to come right back and i cant say no beause her and her family is l;ike the only one in my family thats not dead or on crack plus i cant say no to anyone half the time.i dont know what im going to do

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[29 May 2005|11:38pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

this is bullshit i sent this guy a check 2 weeks ago for a cd that i bought from him on ebay and he alerted them saying i havnt paid it yet.with my luck im probably going to get sued.

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[28 May 2005|08:04pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

This is Rebecca. I sadly think I am the only person who reads your journal, Ty. I will tell my friends to add youto their buddy lists.
I changed your icon too; because I made it for your birthday.
See? I did something for your birthday!
I also sent you a picture, that I worked very hard on.
You better print it out 47 times and hang it all over your room. It really is THAT good.
Okay, well, I think I have been creepy enough, gaining access to your journal and all, I am done.

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[28 May 2005|09:37am]
[ mood | anxious ]

i watched that movie white noise last night and it was pretty freaky well i wasnt freaked out until i watched the bonus features and it had instrustions on how to contact the dead.im defently going to try that when i get home.i dont want to contact the dead alone so im going to have to find someone that will do it with me.ill probably get jon or joe but i dont know if they will or not they might be to scared.oh yea i have to have a tape recorder to do it so hopfully i have one at my house.you also have to go to somewhere that you think there is ghost.so ill prbably do it in my house because my dad died and he may be there haha thats freaky.oh yea i forgot about this this had me scared for a whole week.one night when the power was out and there was only the tv and a lamp on because we had a generrator and i was in my bedroom asleep(this was also when i was 9 years old)and my old step dad was on the couch laying down and my mom was sitting in the chair and my step dad swore that he saw a pair of legs run in from the hallway into my room just legs nothing else no head or anything.well anyways im either going to do it in my house or down by this train tunnel by my house because ive heard that slaves built it and dug the drop off where its at with just shovuls and they would die really fast and they would just burry them where they died so that might be a good place.or i can go to this old abanded grave yard thats way out in the woods that place would be better.oh me and my aunt where watching this movie called cnfessions of a dangerious mind and he was talking about his first time he had a sexual incounter and it showed him when he a like 11 or 12 and he was telling his sisters freind to suck it because it tasted like strawberries and that was her favorite which she did.i thought that was hilarious

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[26 May 2005|09:01pm]
[ mood | calm ]

holy shit i passed math this semester with a 60.4 i was so close to failing.i went to the therapist today and we supose to make a treatment plan soon she says but i dont know what that means.we talked about all kinds of emotional stuff to.and i think she knows i do drugs because she asks me all the time and she always says you would tell me if you did wouldnt you and i always say yea.oh yea she gave me her number just incase i think about killing myself again i dont know how she could help on the phone but oh well.she also saw bite marks on my arm were a let two people bite me at school she asked what they were and i said me and my freinds were just qrewing around and i let them bite me and she said ok thats a little weird and she ask me about "sexual feelings,sexual urges,and sexual activite all the time so she probably thinks im into some kinky shit haha.i wished my aunt had aim so i can talk to people becuase im going to be here until next sunday or monday gahh i hope its not going to be boring.

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[25 May 2005|07:21pm]
[ mood | high ]

me and joe are high well he waiting outside for his mom right now but im still here.we were outside skating while we were high and the church van came by and asked us to get in and go to church and i kept on making up excuses and telling her stuff.so she finally left thats funny at least i think so

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[22 May 2005|08:01pm]
[ mood | happy ]

well my weekend at the lake was better than the last.oh yea my medicine has gotten into my system and im no longer depressed but im still a little shy well im not sure if its that im shy the only reason i dont talk is that im scared that i will make an idiot out of myself.i cought a baby turtle that was like a half an inch long i wanted to keep it but it wouldnt eat so i didnt want to kill it so i let it go.there was also these little triplet boys that wouldnt leave me alone,but i didnt care its not like i had anything else to do.one of the triplets came up to me and stuck his hand down his pants and i told him to get it out and thats not right so he kept his hands down his pants and then started spanking himself.and i only got pissed off like two times this weekend and ythw worse thing i did was call my mom retarded.oh yea i had made this bong and i had it sitting on this bed and my mom came up to the trailer and i was asleep and my heartr was pounding becuase i was like she is going to see it any moment now but she left so i ran and threw it under the bed.then she came up and she was getting rid of all the old stuff and i thought she was going to find it for sure then,but she left again so i ran and took the tenfoil off so it would just look like a big plastic cup with a hole the bottom.oh me jon,and joe are going to have a little starting of summer party because i stole 4 beers and 3 bottles of liquer and my mom noticed that they were missing and i told her someone broke in and stole them and she believed me haha.

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[18 May 2005|09:20pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

well my freinds fucking board just broke on me so now he will probably be a little pissed but me im super pissed because skating is about the only thing i have to do around my house. for some reason now i get really pissed over anything like when that board broke i was sreaming cuss words at the top of my lungs while beating the living shit out of it on the road until it totally broke all the way in half.well things couldnt get worse for me.as you can see the medicine isnt doing shit for me hopfully when i talk to the therapist it will help me.im just a fucked up little white boy.

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[15 May 2005|04:22pm]
[ mood | calm ]

well my weekend was extra super duper boring.my weekends are usualy super duper boring but this weekend very much desirved an extra.i spent the whole weekend in a trailer by myself i could of went down to the r.v with my mom but being around her makes me sad and mad and when ever i get sad on my new medicine its like i go brain dead and dont feel anything plus it makes me feel like im starving constaly so probably going to get fat haha.when i got home i was so exited to be there so i headed straight over to jon and joes house which i forgot to call to see if they were even home so i got there and no body was there so i walked a mile over there for nothing.

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[13 May 2005|10:29am]
[ mood | relieved ]

i finally went to the doctor and got medicine today.im so releived.they gave me wellbutrin XL for me to take in the mornings for depression and i night im supose to take some pill that starts with a r i forgot the name and its supose to keep me from thinking about killing myslef,help me sleep,and control my outburst.there not that strong yet becuase he has to see how i do on them at first.welli have to go to the lake today around 3 or so and im not coming back until sunday so that is going to suck.
i will probably end up going to the store up there and steal a bunch of candy and flavored condoms haha thats probably the dumbest thing i have ever stole.

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[12 May 2005|07:35pm]
[ mood | blank ]

fgdkjfngldkjnbldkjfgldkjfgbhj i just broke my board on a 5 stair at jon and joes house ,but i let joe borrow my shoes for the weekend and he said when he gets a new board this saturday he will let me borrow his old board so thats really good because the only thing i really do anymore is skate and i would be really bored.speaking about being bored i have to go to the lake this weekend with my mom she told me to invite someone but im not going to school tomorrow and i dont have anyones number so i cant invite anyone.so i will probably be watching movies all weekend.a lot of stuff happen to day over at east sideeeeeeeee haha but its to much to type and i dont feel like typing it.

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[10 May 2005|03:55pm]
[ mood | blank ]

well i didnt go to the doctor today because my mom told me that i wasnt worth her missing work.it kinda hurts when your mom tells you that,so i finally blew up.i went into the kitchen and ate 2 plates of spagettie and a shit load of cookies because i didnt want to starve when i ran away.well i made it to the gas station by my house its about 5 or 8 miles away and i was exausted so i sat there for a couple of minutes and decided i needed to go home because i wouldnt have anywhere to live so i was skating back home and i was passing the fire department and some guy was out there and he told me i needed to go home becuase he knew my kind and said i was up to trouble.so i told him to fuck off and he ran inside and starting calling someone and said he was calling the police well i starting skating the way i came from where he would thhink i lived out that way.then i was going on the rail road train tracks to head home but then this guy offered me a ride home,so i took it.i was hopiing he would take me off and kill me but he didnt he just asked me where i lived and i told him and he took my home.then i started throwing up everywhere because i ate so much earlier and i was hot.so theni went to bed around 11:30 or so.then i woke up this morning and i went to school and i didthe most stupdist thing ive done i took an adderal when i knew i had to go to the doctor thrusday and i had tooken 6 asprins that morning.i may sound like a drugie but im not.then frst period i coudnt get my eg to stop shaking and i had to talk or it felt like i couldnt breath.i most be even more depressed because that adderal only lasted me until 4th period and the other time i took it it lasted until like right before school ended.

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[09 May 2005|05:32pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

tomorrow im going to the doctor to get anti-depression medicine its going to be kinda weird though,im probably going to be smiling constally.i hope the doctor dosent make me go back to school tomorrow.

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